metricjulie

I break you now.

NO SERIOUSLY. Why does he like to taunt us with his awesomeness? And by “us” I of course mean all us UFC fans who suffered horrendously painful blueballs because of the whole Will-Fedor-Sign-With-UFC thing that came to a screeching halt when The Last Emperor signed with stupid Strikeforce. Ok, I take that back. It didn’t come to a SCREECHING halt, because it was unlikely Fedor was ever going to come to an agreement with UFC president Dana White.

For those of you who don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, allow me to offer an objective, 100% unbiased introduction to the Greatest Mixed Martial Artist Of All Time. His name is Fedor “The Last Emperor” Emelianenko, or Фëдор Владимирович Емельяненко as his friends call him. Many consider him to be the top pound-for-pound fighter in the world, and those many people are right. He is 31-1, 1 NC. His only loss was controversial and to the hands of Tsuyoshi Kohsaka at the King of Kings 2000 Block B event on December 22, 2000, via doctor stoppage due to a cut 17 seconds into the fight. Undefeated since 2000, he has been the sickest fighter in the history of the planet, as evidenced by this highlight reel of Fedor’s fights.

The reason I ask if Fedor hates us is that he refuses to sign with UFC because of co-promotion issues between UFC and M-1 Global, Fedor’s management company. Apparently Fedor wants to fight in sambo tournaments and under a UFC contract, that would not be permitted. Fedor is currently under a three-fight contract with Strikeforce. UFC fans everywhere would kill, or die, or at least jizz, to see him murder face off with current UFC heavyweight champion Brock “Douchey Douchebag” Lesnar, but that ain’t gonna happen any time soon. As Dana White so eloquently puts it, “Fedor is a f—ing joke. He turns down a huge deal and the opportunity to face the best in the world to fight nobodies for no money!” In 2008, Fedor wrote an open letter to White, saying “The whole world is eager to see me fight your champions, people don’t want to listen to your press-conferences. I’m signed with M-1 Global and this promotion is ready to organize such fights under our banner or in co-promoted events.”

So anyway. Last night Fedor fought and here are just some random thoughts on the topic:

- Fedor proved he is the baddest man in the whole damn town by suffering a broken nose in the first minute of his fight against Brett Rogers and fighting through it – and an injured hand – until he TKO’d Rogers at 1:48 in the second round.

- This was my first “live” Fedor fight; first time I was ever able to catch the fight as it was happening and I didn’t have to avoid the internet and cover my ears & eyes and go AAA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA until being able to watch it myself.

- I am really not super on board with the whole Strikeforce-goes-mainstream-on-CBS thing. The sports bar where I watched the fight was empty. EMPTY! A FREE Fedor fight and bars are empty. I do not understand.

- I really hated the fact that there were approximately 39,724 commercials between fights and that because of the necessity of them, we missed the entrance of Fedor and Brett Rogers, yet had to be subjected to Jason Miller’s embarrassing entrance. Then he has the balls – or lack thereof – to spend the entire fight on his back and lose.

- I don’t know about you, but I think it’s pretty bleeping lame that because of contract issues, fans will probably never get to see one of the most talked-about possible matchups in the history of MMA. It makes me feel as crappy, conflicted and disillusioned as when Mike Komisarek signed with the Toronto Maple Leafs. Yes, I know, it is a business and blah blah blah. I’m just being a baby, I guess.

So whatever, Fedor. Continue fighting your stupid mainstream-tv fights and sambo fights. See if I care. Oh my god, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.

If you want to watch the fight, watch it now – it won’t be available for long!